so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
