i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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