you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
