Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
