His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
