Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
