Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
