It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
where are you?
Hypothermia
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
