Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
