ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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