You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I want to fling myself into the sun
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
