So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
