she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
