Apparently you make a good broom.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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