Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
