Kiss
Puke
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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