planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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