If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
