I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
