I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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