DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
