i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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