it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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