id be glad to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
