you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my shit smells like andre
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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