No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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