she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
