I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
