sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
