Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
