clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
