K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
