Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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