And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
smell my finger.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
