dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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