I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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