I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
