Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
