Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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