at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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