If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
