i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How external is "for external use only"?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
