Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
