My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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