The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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