I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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