Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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