Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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