girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
