So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
