meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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