I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
