i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
