We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you had me at cake vodka
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
