He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
