And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
