look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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